Strongest Convictions
by LoreleiElizabeth
Summary: The McCords had always had strong convictions. But the day came when they wished they hadn't. What if the end of Season 1 had gone differently for Henry and Elizabeth during the Senate Investigation? What if they got charged with espionage?
1. Chapter 1

_Hello and welcome to Strongest Convictions,  
This will likely be short, just 5 chapters or so. I was thinking that Elizabeth's speech at the senate judiciary committee was a bit unrealistic, she would likely still have been investigated. This is just an exploration of what if? _

_It might be a bit unrealistic its self but I just wanted to explore their relationship from afar and what would happen to Team McCord if this had come to pass._

 _Please review. This is my first story._

Elizabeth and Henry McCord had firm convictions. They always had. Together the two made one another stronger and held each other accountable. But did they also destroy their own family in the process? Their convictions had set them on this course, and they had ended up in a Senate Investigation. It didn't go as planned. They were both implicated and fell on their own swords to protect the administration.

Did they violate 18 U.S. Ch. 37?

Yes. But with good reason. With the interest of the United States at heart.

The McCord's had convictions. But during the trial Elizabeth wished they hadn't. They lost everything, their jobs, their kids, their family and for what?

Principal? Convictions?

One of them might have been able to avoid prison and stay with the kids if they both didn't have such strong convictions. But in the end Elizabeth got 20 years, and Henry who had lectured the judge, got the book thrown at him. He'd likely never see the light of day.

Elizabeth played the memories of her former life over in her mind the first year of prison. The old Elizabeth began to wither away, the one with convictions gone. In its place was a shell of a woman. She let other inmates take advantage of her, they took her phone time, commissary items and pretty much anything else they could. The old Elizabeth would have stood up for injustice. The new Elizabeth, was dead inside.

She died a little bit evert time Officer Payne, a guard with a strong dislike for her politics, manhandled her as she and her bunk mates moved to and from the yard. It started with a firm grip on her arm and progressed from there. The old Elizabeth should have never allowed it to go any further. And she did protest, but she didn't fight him. It just wasn't worth it.

By the end of her second year incarcerated her kids didn't even recognize her.

Thanks to the Rosenberg's a couple who had violated the espionage act during the cold war Henry and Elizabeth could not have direct contact. That only made it worse. They had agreed during the trial to only allow their children to see them once a year. They had taken care of the kids, set up a trust to care for the farm so the kids would always have a home, and a separate trust for each child. Stevie took charge her siblings and moved them back to the farm to try and avoid media scrutiny after the trial.

Henry McCord hated knowing that Elizabeth was imprisoned the way he was. But in a way he was also somewhat thankful. She wouldn't see him die. Henry's anger, his riotous indignation during the trial had left him with a sentence he couldn't believe. Death by legal injection.

His lawyers said they could fight it, but after recalling the looks of his children during his sentencing, their hopes crushed and family destroyed by the verdict he knew he couldn't give them hope again. Death row was quiet, so he studied and wrote and tried to make sense of the world he thought he knew. Nothing seemed to break him, not even the prison setting a date for his lethal injection. It was rather quick for the Terre Haute, Indiana Federal Penitentiary to set a date only three years in to his sentence, but he hadn't fought and so he prepared for death. The idea of his death didn't break him, he was done fighting. Nothing could break him. Nothing but the news of his wife's suicide.

 _Let me know what you think please!_


	2. Chapter 2

_Thanks for the support. I promise it will get better soon._

Stephanie McCord Hanover had watched her family fall apart since that fateful day when her parents appeared before the Senate. She and Allison and Jason had moved back to the farm and hoped that things would be normal. A new normal. But things had spiraled. She had become a parent to her siblings and the role was something they all struggled to adjust to.

Allison had hoped returning to her old school would make things better but her family laundry was in the news constantly and everyone knew who she was. She hated her name everywhere she went she got asked if she was related to those people in prison. The day of her 18th birthday she ran off with her boyfriend Alex Thompson and they went to Vegas and got married. Stevie nearly killed her, but the marriage only lasted a month. By the end of the summer she was Allie Thompson new freshman at UCLA. The West Coast was her place, and over time, she rebuilt herself. Reinvented might have been a better word. She was tan, happy and interning at a distinguished personal fashion and design company. No one asked about Allison McCord, because Allison McCord didn't exist anymore.

Jason had been angry and after a year of skipping school Stevie confronted him. Jason had put a hole in the wall in a fit of rage. The next day Stevie sent him to Austin Montana to live on a Boys Reformation Ranch. She didn't expect him to like it, she just needed him safe. But surprisingly he loved it. More than likely it had been Ellie Pearson that he loved, but either way he found the freedom of an open cattle range to be something his anarchist heart found joy in. He lived very simply and had begun the process of taking over Ellie's dad's ranch Lazy Diamond. The two had married recently and Allison had proudly made Ellie's dress and Jason's suit. Jason was happy, it had taken a while but he was truly happy.

Stevie had gone to law school determined to better understand how it was her parents had ended up in prison. There, she met Collin Hanover a tall dark handsome man who reminded her of her father in his younger days. The two set up their home in New York with the Stevie with the ACL and Collin as general counsel for the World Trade Organization. Their son Patrick was two. She was happy and she wanted to tell her father that.

But in that moment all words escaped her. She delivered the news of her mother as best she could. But everything came out in a jumble and she accidentally left out the word attempted. Her mother had attempted suicide trying to bleed out in her bunk with the edge of a toothbrush. There where so many things she had wanted to tell her father. But she had been caught off guard by the drastic appearance change in her father. She hadn't seen him in three years. Indiana had been too hard to get to after she had gotten pregnant. She had written but the letters have been returned unopened.

She wanted to tell her dad about Patrick and her husband. She wanted to tell him that she never stopped lobbying for President Dalton to pardon her parents. But this man across the glass wasn't her father. He was a shell of the man who had left for 6 years ago.

This wasn't her father. And the woman in the infirmary that she had visited two days prior was not her mother.

This wasn't her family.

 _Please review!_


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks for the_ reviews _! I hope this meets expectations, I am truly terrible at writing the kids with their parents. I am not sure why... Please leave me any tips._

 _Sparkle8888- this one is for you! Your review today made me feel compelled to finish this next chapter. Thanks so much!_

Presidential Pardon.

Those were the only two words that rang through Stevie's head even two hours later. She had done it. Two presidential Pardons. It had taken 7 years but she had finally gotten them. Her parents would be free within that same day. The counselor at the women's prison advised a slow transition back in to society. No elaborate welcome party or anything overwhelming. Stevie had called up her siblings and concocted a plan. Jason would pick up Henry in Indiana and Stevie and Allie would pick up Elizabeth in at a facility in Aliceville, Alabama.

Allie and Stevie shifted nervously as they waited for their mother to emerge from the facility. Nothing prepared Allie for what she saw when the figure immersed through the door. "Last time I saw her she looked bad. You need to be prepared." Stevie had reminded Allie in the parking lot. It had been 5 years since Allie had seen her mother and the woman before her had thin greyish blond hair a hollowed face, and likely only weighed 80 pounds. The spark had left her blue eyes which now seemed grey. How was this her mother?

"Mom" Stevie called as she rushed to hug her.

Elizabeth smiled and wrapped her daughter in a hug but Allie noticed the smile didn't reach her eyes and the hug was much slower and more ginger than she remembered her mom's hugs. But she wiped away tears as she met her mom in a hug for the first time in years.

4 hours in to their drive they stopped to get gas and Elizabeth asked if Allie would switch her seats so that she could sleep. Allie complied but exchanged looks with Stevie, the woman they knew never slept in the car. But the woman they knew didn't cower in public places, but this one did.

Jason was experiencing a similar phenomenon with his father. His dad had only spoken at the beginning of the trip, but they ran out of stuff to talk about before leaving Indiana and the rest of the drive was painfully quiet. As they neared the end of the farm's long driveway words surprised Jason as it had been hours since he had heard his father's voice and years since it was something he was accustom to hearing it. "When your mom gets here, do you mind if I take some time alone to greet her?"

Jason nodded thinking about what it must be like for his parents to have been separated for nearly 7 years with no communication. He hadn't understood until he met Ellie what it meant to love someone the way his parents had. He hadn't understood why his father and mother had limited visitation but now with a child of his own on the way he suddenly understood more of his parents thinking than he ever thought imaginable. "Yea, absolutely. I'll kidnap Stevie and Allie when they get here and we can go to a late dinner in town. Just so long as I can go in and see mom real quick."

When Jason stopped the car he noticed Stevie's car in the drive. He sent his sister's a text asking them to come outside so their parents could reunite in private. The girls emerged and Henry teared up at the sight of his two little girls all grown up. Allie had changed significantly as she was tan and her hair sported highlights. She was dressed in a blue dress that Henry hoped she had made herself and as he wrapped the two girls in a hug. After a tearful reunion with his girls Henry watched Jason emerge from the house wiping his own tears. Henry embraced his son before walking to the house.

The door opened and he was amazed at how everything seemed so normal. Like he had never left. But then he saw her and the last 7 years hit him like a ton of bricks. She turned to look at him and he felt his knees buckle. She rushed toward him as he fell to his knees sobbing.

Elizabeth took in her husband's face through the tears in her eyes. He looked different yet familiar. She wasn't sure how that was possible. He was greyer, but as muscular as ever. It was his face that surprised her, prison had worn on both of them it was clear. The sight of the man she had dreamed about for so long on the floor sobbing broke her heart. She fell to her knees to cradle him in her arms. "Hi." She whispered.

Henry looked up at her and nearly jumped back as his eyes met hers. "Hi?" He responded but somehow it came out like a question. Her eyes shocked him, he remembered them differently. Blue and filled with joy. As he looked her up and down he realized the toll that the past 7 years had on her was great. Her hair had grown long, like it was when they first met, but it was a strange color, not blond or grey, but not brown and defiantly in no way healthy. Her skin was pale and laid on her bones in an odd way as if there was no muscle or fat in between the skin and bones.

"I never thought this day would come." He took her face in his hands wanting to kiss her but noticed that she pulled back a bit and he stopped taking her hands and kissing them instead. "I lost faith. I'm so sorry."

She looked in to his eyes earnestly. "It's OK, so did I. I gave up. I gave up and I feel terrible about it. Oh Henry." She looked away, "I let awful things happen."

Henry nodded, but he couldn't come up with words.

They had both changed. And neither of them had any idea how to address the fact that they were no longer the people the other married.

When Henry and Elizabeth got their emotions in check they moved from the floor in the foyer to the couch in the living room. They sat on opposed sides of the couch both awkwardly wondering what next.

Elizabeth looked over her husband and was once again shocked by his appearance and age. She had never felt awkward around him before, not even when they first met. But now? Things were different. She felt as if they were somehow strangers despite having been together for over 30 years. "So what now?" She whispered.

Henry's brow creased, "Today or in general?"

"I don't know? Both?"

Henry nodded understanding, "I suppose we just try and find some normalcy?" He suggested.

Elizabeth's face twisted in pain. "Normalcy? Henry, I am not the same person I used to be. We haven't talked in 7 years. So much has happened. We tore our family apart based on our convictions. And now if I had to do it again or anything like it I wouldn't. I did this horrible thing to our family. I ruined everything I love in life over duty and obligation. We have children who grew up without us. Got married without us. Our family is broken. I-I am broken and nothing will ever be normal again." Elizabeth began to sob. It was the first time she had truly cried in a long time. She felt her emotions had been trapped inside and now they were seeping out of every pore.

Henry moved closer to her and watched as his wife shrunk back into the couch. He made note and backed away holding out his hand to offer her comfort. "None of us are the same Elizabeth. I spent years waiting to die. Death row in that prison, I didn't feel like I belonged. I spent a year trying to make sense of what it would mean for me for our family. Then finally I just gave up. I accepted that I would be executed." He paused before continuing, "I was happy in some twisted way that you were unable to talk to me or see me because I lost all faith in everything we hold dear. I was waiting to die instead of fighting to live. I hate myself for thinking it because it obviously wasn't true but I thought you were better off in prison because you wouldn't have to watch me die." Henry let out a sob, "But then you went and tried to kill yourself and I realized that it was probably worse not being able to be there. Not talking, not knowing why?" He buried his face in hands, "God Elizabeth why did you do it?"

She took his hands tenderly and moved closer than she was truly ok with knowing that he needed her to be close. "I spent a lot of time dreaming, thinking of the family all the fun we had all the love and joy over the years. How much I loved all of you and I felt so guilty. If I hadn't taken the job things would be different. Or if I hadn't told you about what was going on. I feel so guilty. I struggled there- in prison-. It was Alabama no one liked my politics and at that point I didn't like my politics. I didn't even like myself." She wiped away tears with one hand before taking his hand again. "I broke our family. Allison got married at 18 for two weeks, Jason caused so much trouble he got sent to reform school in the middle of nowhere and Stevie gave up her 20's her youth to raise her siblings. And you. You almost lost your life. If this pardon had come six months later," She stopped, they both knew what would happen. He would have been executed by lethal injection.

And with that there was silence. Tears ran down both their faces as they mourned the life once was.

 _Thoughts?_


	4. Chapter 4

_I can't thank you all enough for the responses to this story. I was only planning to update once a week when I started this story but these_ reviews _have pushed me to write_ every _day on my lunch hour. I can't thank you all enough for the_ reviews _they mean the world to me!_

 _Please keep_ reviewing _and I'll keep updating._

Stevie and her siblings had taken over a booth at the local Italian restaurant. She always forgot how much she missed them until she was with them. "So how was the drive?" she asked looking at Jason.

Jason shrugged, "Quiet. Strange I had imagined it differently, more emotional perhaps? I don't know."

Allie nodded, "Mom didn't cry or even say much of anything when we picked her up. And almost nothing during the drive home.

How do you think mom and dad are doing together?" Jason asked.

Allie pursed her lips, "I'm sure, they are happy to be reunited."

"Still it's got to be awkward. They haven't talked directly in so long and they both seem so different. I don't think this will be easy for them."

Jason nodded. "I think they need time together alone. We should stay one or two days at most and help them get set up but after that we should give them a week or so on their own."

Allie looked at her brother, "You don't think we should stay longer? They are our parents we haven't been together for years. Don't you want to spend time with them?"

Jason and Stevie exchanged looks and Stevie spoke up. "Yea I agree Allie, but I think mom and dad need some time alone you know? They both are adjusting to this new life and I think it's something they need to do together alone.

"And besides that," Jason piped up, "We have to get back to our families, our lives. I don't want to leave Ellie alone for too long."

Stevie looked at her brother, "Jason you never had a problem with leaving her before. You've taken a month to transport cattle across the country while she took care of the ranch. I am not buying that you can't leave her at home…"

Jason rolled his eyes at his sister but couldn't contain the joy on his face. "We found out she was pregnant just before I left to pick up dad. It's still early so please don't tell anyone. Not even mom and dad."

Stevie and Allie erupted with joy. "I'm going to be an aunt!" Stevie proclaimed.

Allie shoved her sister, "I'll still be the cool aunt." She promised her brother.

Suddenly the day felt much lighter and more joyous.

~Madam Secretary~

When the kids returned home they brought takeout for Henry and Elizabeth. The family gathered around the table and the kids watched their parents eat in silence, the joy from earlier left at the restaurant and replaced with awkwardness.

Stevie's phone beeped and the rest of the family jumped in surprise at the sound. She glanced at her phone, "Sorry its Collin, apparently Patrick refused to share his Legos at daycare. I guess he hit someone in the head with one." She blushed, the idea of talking about her child to her parents was somehow strange. She still felt like an 18-year-old girl around them, not an adult with children. "I need to go upstairs and call him. I'll probably just go to bed afterwards. It's already 10:30."

Allie looked surprised, "Oh my gosh I totally forgot, I have a conference call in Japan in half an hour. My friend is doing a show there and wants some help with her finale dress."

Jason nodded, "I should call Ellie, one of my horses is about to have a foal and I just need to check in. I'll probably head off to bed afterwards too.

The three kids headed up the stairs their parents looking slightly bemused at their children's excuses for leaving the room. "Night mom, night dad." The kids called out.

Henry's face twisted in pain and Elizabeth looked alarmed sliding over to sit next to him at the dining table. "What?" She whispered taking his hand.

Henry wiped away tears with his napkin. "I never thought I would hear that again. But at the same time I can't help but think about all the times we could have heard them say that but didn't." He paused, "We missed so much."

Elizabeth nodded, "But we are here now. I don't think I'll ever be ok with missing out on so much of their lives but I am so thankful to be here now even if its awkward and strange. I do think it will get better. They are our children and we did raise them for a majority of their lives. And I think they have become phenomenal adults. Jason is a rancher, and as strange as it sounds to us when we couldn't even get him on a horse here its clear that he loves it. Allison is doing what she always planned with fashion, and Stevie, she has a son and a job as a lawyer. I am extremely proud of how resilient they are. I missed them terribly and I hate having missed out on so much of their lives but I am so thrilled to have the opportunity to be here with you now."

Henry smiled, "Just there, you sounded like my wife."

Elizabeth nodded feeling strange about his comment she ignored it, "I am just trying to give you perspective. You'd normally have a quote from some scholarly source if this was me in your shoes but I don't have that luxury."

Henry chuckled, "I suppose that's true." He sighed and picked up the takeout cartons.

Elizabeth rose to help and within minutes the table was clean.

Henry looked around nervously, "I think we need to go to bed. How do we want to do this?" He looked away and blushed, "Sleep? I can take the guest room if that's alright with you?"

Elizabeth blushed too, "No, actually it might be strange but I don't know that I can sleep alone." She looked away avoiding eye contact briefly before looking back at him. "I have nightmares. My bunkmate used to wake me up. I can't imagine being alone in the dark. Just promise you won't touch me?" She asked shyly.

Henry nodded. "Of course! I do think I'll shower first. I can use the guest bath so you can get ready for bed if you want?"

Elizabeth smiled and the two went their separate ways. Elizabeth took a bath and scrounged up some new tooth brushes in the hall closet. It was strange starting out with nothing at her age. She didn't have a driver's license, bank account or even a tooth brush to her name. When she rejoined Henry in the bedroom he was reading and for a moment it seemed like nothing had changed, but as quickly as the moment came it was gone.

When Henry turned out the lights they both tensed up. It was never truly dark in prison. "Can I turn the bathroom light on and crack the door?"

Elizabeth let out a sigh of relief. "Yes please." She whispered.

With the bathroom light on the two finally fell asleep overwhelmed by the day's events and truly exhausted.

It was after 2am when Henry awoke to a shrill sound. Screams. A woman's screams. He was disoriented briefly but then he realized where he was and who he was with. Elizabeth. On instinct, he sat up and reached over to shake her awake.

Elizabeth's eyes shot open and she screamed in terror fleeing the bed and racing to the bathroom and slamming the door shut behind her. She fell against the door locking it and falling to the floor sobbing.

Henry had thought for a moment at dinner that thinks might be OK but in that moment he knew things where not OK and they would never be.

 _Let me know what you think! :)_


	5. Chapter 5

_So I am going to be addressing some dark stuff in future chapters. You'll get a taste of it here in this chapter but not like in the future chapters. My question:_  
 _Should I continue to skirt the obvious thing that happened to Elizabeth and be vague or move this to M. I've never done anything dark in writing that would need an M rating. Thoughts? What would you prefer to see?_

 _Thanks for reading!_

Jason McCord heard the screams of his mother from downstairs and was out of bed tripping down the dark staircase in a second. Instinctually he pushed his parents' bedroom door open and saw a man standing near the bathroom door. Without even thinking he pushed the shadowed male figure up against a wall. Hard.

"Hey! Hey!" Henry yelled pushing Jason as hard as he could, not even realizing who it might be.

The lights flicked on and Allie yelled. "Jason! Stop! You are going to hurt dad."

Stevie who was just behind Allie rushed to pull Jason away and Allie pulled her father away from the wall and drug him out of the room.

Stevie took her brother by the shoulders, "Jason?" She questioned looking at the tears in his eyes.

Jason shrugged her off. "I'm fine, I didn't realize it was dad. I thought someone was hurting mom. I'm fine." He sighed and sat down on the bed. "Can I have a minute Stevie?"

Stevie looked at him with concern. "Mom? You OK?" A muffled yes came from behind the door. Stevie looked at her brother one last time before stepping out of the room and shutting the door.

With his sister gone Jason took a deep breath and moved to sit by the bathroom door. "Mom, its Jason. Can we talk? I need to see you and know you are ok." He could hear her quite sobs on the other side of the door. "Mom, I'm not Ok. I need to see you and know that you are ok." His voice quivered.

Elizabeth unlocked the door and came out to sit on the other side of Jason leaning her back against the nightstand. "I- I just had a nightmare. I'm ok."

Jason nodded and reached out to take her hand, Elizabeth shrunk and Jason looked at her surprised. His eyes watered and he wiped tears away. "You don't have to be ok." Jason said earnestly. "You haven't met Ellie yet, but you will. And mom you are going to love her. She is so smart and she's absolutely stunning. And she is strong, not just physically but I mean emotionally, mentally."

Elizabeth looked at him wondering where this was going. "Jason. I'm fine" Her hands shook still and it was all she could do to get the words out.

Jason sniffled and wiped away more tears. "I met Elliana when I was 17. There had been this huge blizzard and a one of the rancher's kids was missing. We all gathered on horseback to search and Ellie and I got paired together to search. We started dating that same week. We've been through a lot together. But the most trying was about two years ago. We had just gotten married and went on our honeymoon to Southern California, there was this huge horse auction and Ellie has a thing for Quarter Horses. I left her for the day with the plans to buy her a new horse and surprise her. The house we had rented was broken in to and she was attacked. She was in the hospital for three days and she was, well, violated in the worst way possible."

Elizabeth covered her mouth, she didn't want to hear about this.

Jason let out a sob before continuing. "What I am trying to say is you are not alone. Whatever happened to you was wrong. It shouldn't have happened and I am so terribly sorry. But you will get through this. Mom, you are strong."

Elizabeth started to cry again, "No. No. I gave up. I let things happen."

Jason looked at his mother, "Do you know why I married Elliana?"

"Because you love her?" Elizabeth whispered.

Jason nodded. "Well I guess I phrased the question wrong. Why do you think I fell in love with her?"

"Why?"

"Because she reminded me of you. But not in a weird way." Jason paused, "She's strong like you. And mom she is going to raise strong independent children like you." Jason pulled out his phone and held it out to Elizabeth. "I was going to wait to tell you guys because Ellie wanted to wait and tell everyone when we knew the gender but she's pregnant!"

Elizabeth looked at the ultrasound in surprise. "Really? Oh Jason!"

Jason blushed, "Now I didn't tell you this to change the subject or lighten the mood. My point mom is that there is life after assault. It's different and sometimes it's painful but it is so worth it."

Elizabeth wiped away tears, "When did you get so wise?"

Jason smiled, "Well I've fallen off my horse a few times so probably sometime between the first time I hit my head and now. And I suppose I had these super cool parents who taught me all about world politics and Thomas Aquinas."

Elizabeth laughed through her tears. "So you don't blame me? For leaving?"

Jason shook his head. "No of course not! I mean I was angry after you and dad went to prison but not at the two of you, just the circumstances. I'm actually extremely proud of you. You taught us how to stand up for injustice. We are so proud of you. This whole thing has been hard and at times I might have struggled with the whole thing. It's bittersweet because there are defiantly moments we missed out on. But I don't think it was in vain. You've inspired my generation to pay more attention to what's happening in our government. I dare say you might have even created some conspiracy theorists."

With that Elizabeth laughed and for the first time, she actually felt a little joy. "Jason you've turned in to an incredible man." She looked down at the photo on his phone which was still in her hand. "And you will be an amazing father." She reached out to take his hand. "Can we go tell your father and sisters? I am sure the mood is a bit dark out there."

Jason nodded, "Yea. But mom, I need you to promise me you'll talk to someone about this. It doesn't have to be dad. In fact, I don't know that it should be him. Perhaps a professional. Ellie and I met with a therapist and she really helped us. We met with her together and separately. I think that you and dad might benefit from that. You've been apart a long time and you have been through a lot. You have a lot to work through and you really shouldn't do that alone."

Elizabeth looked at her son, who in a way looked like a young Henry. She couldn't believe how wonderful he was. How insightful he was. She wiped away tears and stood up. She wanted to hug him but at the same time, there was fear inside her. She pushed it down. "Hug?"

Jason stood up and wiped away a tear in his eyes. "Always. I love you mom."

She wrapped him in a hug and was surprised to find she didn't have any fear. "I love you too Jase."

~Madam Secretary~

The next day the McCords were tired but they found themselves with a long list of things to do and so after breakfast at the local Diner they got to work. Stevie went to the grocery store with a long list of things to get to stock the house. Jason and Henry went to buy Henry clothes that actually fit as did Allie and Elizabeth. After Allie had selected a new wardrobe for Elizabeth she drug her to the salon. Elizabeth protested the entire time but once she looked in the mirror after her hair had been died and the edges cut she felt different. Human. Her hair was still long, past her shoulders by more than an inch or so, and it was blond again. Her clothes actually fit and she felt at home in her new clothes.

Allie looked at her mom, "You look fantastic mom."

Elizabeth looked at her daughter, who also reminded her of Henry in so many ways. "I feel human."

Allie smiled, "I put some good face creams and shampoo and makeup and other girl stuff on the list for Stevie so your hair can get stronger. The stylist said it was a little brittle but the stuff I put on Stevie's list will fix that right up."

Elizabeth nodded, "Make sure she doesn't buy actual food. I still don't cook."

Allie laughed. "No one would expect you to cook. While the three of us kids were in town last night for dinner we wandered around and collected a variety of takeout menus they are already in the drawer in the kitchen."

"I have wonderful children."

"I'm glad you think so because we are going to spend a lot of time together siting in line today. Stevie just texted me she dropped off the groceries and she is getting the papers we need from the house to go to the bank, to the License branch, and the phone place."

As the two walked back outside Allie saw Jason across the street and the mother daughter pair quickly j-walked across the street. As the two girls approached Henry's breath hitched as he looked at his wife. She wasn't dressed up but she looked gorgeous. The life had been breathed back in to her with a simple hair appointment and clothes that fit. There seemed to be more confidence in the woman before him and he couldn't help but stare.

Elizabeth looked at Henry as she approached and smiled slightly. She had forgotten what it was like when he looked at her like that. And he looked pretty great himself with new jeans a flannel shirt and a haircut of his own. She felt more like herself than she had in years. But then Henry reached out to take her hand and tell her how great she looked. Elizabeth flinched and shied away the moment was broken instantly.

New haircuts and clothes couldn't change the fact that they had significant issues to deal with.

 _Hope you enjoyed, please revew!_


	6. Chapter 6

_Thanks, everyone for the input. I am going to leave the story rated T and then if its necessary I will post the M rated more detailed versions of chapters under a separate story rated M._

 _Thanks again for the reviews. Please keep reading and reviewing._

Two hours later the McCord Family had explained presidential pardon to four employees at the license branch and finally walked away with renewed driver's licenses and updated plates for the farm truck and their old Jeep. At the bank, the kids transferred the family's old bank accounts out of trust and back to traditional accounts for Henry and Elizabeth. After that, the family made their way to Verizon for phones. The salesman spent an hour trying to explain all the changes to cellphones in the past 7 years before Henry and Elizabeth settled on their choice.

The day went by quickly and as the family walked back to their car they passed the Catholic church. Henry stopped frozen. He hadn't thought much about religion in the past few years but in this moment everything he had dedicated his life to came flooding back to him.

"Dad?" Allie asked looked back at her father who seemed frozen in front of the church.

Stevie stopped, "We'll meet you guys at home." She walked back towers her father. "Hey dad, did you want to go to church?"

Henry shook his head. "No." He whispered.

Stevie linked her arm around his, "So, I don't know that you knew this but Collin and I go to mass every Sunday. He's a devout catholic and I actually really love the traditions and the history that it provides us with. We can learn a lot from the teachings and I kind of would like to go. After all this is the church I was baptized in."

Henry smiled a half smile, "We don't need to."

Stevie rolled her eyes, "I think we need to. Come on. Mass starts in a half hour."

The pair made their way into the church and Henry excused himself to go to confession. He knew he had to, he couldn't take communion without it, but he didn't even know where to start with his confession. But the moment he sat down, everything he had been holding in started to come out. Mass felt special somehow even though most of it was the same as it always had been. The traditions meant more to him than he remembered.

Henry walked out of church feeling significantly better than he did walking in. His brain felt alive. He had a list in his head of books he should read. Religious theories ran through his head as Stevie drove them home.

~Madam Secretary~

The McCord's ate dinner in silence, Allie's low fat non meat chili being pushed around everyone's bowls. Jason had found an old game of monopoly and had challenged his sisters to play it and so after the dishes where done they dispersed to the living room to duel it out. Elizabeth tiptoed back into the kitchen in hopes of finding something to eat of actual substance. She was surprised to find Henry with a to go menu in his hand.

"What are you doing?" She whispered.

Henry jumped caught red-handed, "Shit, you scared me. I'm ordering Chinese food. Having it delivered to the barn office. You still eat Kung Pao Chicken?"

Elizabeth grinned, "That depends are there spring rolls?"

Henry smiled back at her, "And egg rolls."

"I'll go grab my coat and boots. Meet you in the barn in 10."

Henry smiled, "Hey bring the scrabble! I don't want to get roped in to that monopoly game. You know how much I despise board games with fake money."

Elizabeth nodded, she felt bad that she had forgotten that. She felt like she had forgotten a lot of things but somehow he still remembered her Chinese order.

Twenty minutes later the couple intercepted the delivery guy and returned to the barn with their goodies. The barn office was dusty and rarely used anymore since the horses had passed on but it had a table and chairs and allowed them to escape the hell that was McCord Monopoly night. As they dug in to their food they both suppressed sounds of pleasure. "Why didn't we just order this to start with?" Henry asked.

Elizabeth rolled her eyes, "Allie felt we needed a home cooked meal. I thought Jason was going to pass out when she told him what she made. Apparently the vegan trend is some kind of conspiracy theory. Jason feels it's important to eat meat at every meal and takes pleasure in knowing where his meat comes from. That lead to a conversation on Allies' lack of self-sufficiency and escalated from there until it ended with me saying I'd missed her chili." Elizabeth paused for a bite spring roll, "Is it strange that I love that they fight like they are still 16?"

Henry laughed, "No I agree. When they act their age it's so strange. Stevie has matured so much. She drugs me to church."

Elizabeth smiled, "We both know you wanted to go. You just needed a push. How was it?"

Henry pursed his lips, "It's the Catholic church it really doesn't change. But I have to say it was nice. I think I had shut my brain off for a while but Mass really stirred up some thoughts on transubstantiation."

Elizabeth nodded, "So is Dr. McCord back?"

Henry shook his head, "I don't know about that. I don't know who I am anymore. I think I just want to think for a while you know? Read and learn but not for any specific purpose."

"I get that. I think a lot about math these days. I've memorized the first 500 digits of pi."

"So no international relations or political science anymore?"

Elizabeth looked down, "I don't think that's me anymore. It got us in to so much trouble. Math just makes sense you know?"

Henry smiled a bit, pushing down his worry for her. "Yea while I find your love of math completely strange, you know I support it. Perhaps Monday we can go to the University Library and get a pass and spend the whole day in the stacks."

Elizabeth's eyes lit up. "I suppose we don't have anything else to do. And you know how I feel about books."

After a game of Scrabble that Henry won despite Elizabeth's challenges it was time to go to bed. The walk back to the house was nice in the crisp air, and the house was quiet, signaling that the kids game had ended and they had retreated to their rooms. Likely after two of them had argued over who won and who cheated. They deposited their scrabble box on the table and looked at one another awkwardly. Bed.

Henry looked at her, "Hey I'm going to sleep in the guest bedroom tonight if that's alright."

Elizabeth froze. The idea appealed to her. But at the same time it scared her to be alone. "I-I I don't want to be alone. But I don't want you to touch me."

Henry nodded concerned, "Sure. Um. Can you tell me what happened? Perhaps I can help if I understand."

Elizabeth stepped back. "I don't want to talk about it."

"I understand that. But you woke up screaming last night and I accidentally sent you to in to the bathroom crying. I mean was it a panic attack? What did I do?"

Elizabeth was enraged, "You touched me. I asked you not to. I don't want to talk about what happened. I just am asking you to wake me up- without touching me- if I have a nightmare. You can do whatever you want during the day I honestly don't care. I am just. I just can't be alone when I sleep." She sank to the floor in the dining room sobbing.

Henry bent down to help her in some way but she threw her jacket at him. "Go away please." She sobbed.

Henry backed away. He had no idea what to do.

 _Just a_ forwarning _the next few chapters I post are going to be rough so I hope you enjoyed th_ e _little bit of lightness that was in this chapter._

 _Let me know what you think!_


	7. Chapter 7

_Ok so after editing this chapter the end got a bit more graphic than I had originally imagined but I think it was needed. This might trigger some individuals and I just want to warn those who might be sensitive of that to avoid the last section of this chapter._

 _I know I said originally I was going to post an M version and leave this version as is but I am finding it difficult to walk around this particular subject… Let me know if you think this chapter crosses the line into M territory. I have tried to keep it T so everyone feels like they can read but now I am a bit worried…_

 _Thanks for reading!_

After a near sleepless night, the McCord's had pancakes made by Jason who had inherited his father's talent for breakfast food and the children began packing their cars. Jason and Allie had decided to carpool to the airport despite Allie's flight being much later than Jason's. The two left around ten in a hurry to return the rental car without being charged for another day. Stevie took her time, spending the final precious few moments she had with her parents. She had fought hard to get them released and was happy to see her parents back in their home. She was driving back to New York and continued to procrastinate through lunch. Her parents hadn't spoken to one another that she had seen since the night before. She felt strange leaving them here. She worried. She wasn't sure if it was her mother's instincts or her daughter's instincts or what but something was off and she was truly concerned. She saught out her mother in the sun room with a book. "Mom?"

"Are you taking off sweetie?" Elizabeth asked standing up to bid her daughter a goodbye.

"Ah soon. I just wanted to let you know that I made you an appointment for the therapist session that your councilor from Alabama recommended. She said it was supposed to help with the transition back to normal life. I made an appointment for dad too. I think it might help."

Elizabeth frowned slightly, "Thank you. Can you leave the details on the kitchen counter."

Stevie nodded, "Already done. I also left the keys to the Jeep and the Farm Truck, not that it ever runs, and a laptop with the passwords to pay all the bills for the house. The due dates are all marked on the calendar. Important numbers are there too. I've got some casseroles in the fridge you just need to heat them up." Stevie smiled a bit, "Don't worry Allie didn't make them so they have meat." She glared at her mother, "I saw the Chinese food delivery guy leaving the barn when I got up to get a glass of wine."

Elizabeth looked away, "It was all your father's idea."

Stevie rolled her eyes, "Well in the future can I please be invited to these secret food parties when Allie is insistent on participating in meatless Monday."

Elizabeth chuckled, "Hey now, you used to be vegan. As a matter of fact, you were really vegan."

Stevie laughed, "It was a phase for a boy and I was starving. And now I have a kid to feed. And a husband who thinks steak is the absolute best food on the planet. And a brother who sends me his freshly butchered beef for Christmas."

Elizabeth smiled, "God I can't believe you are married with a kid."

"I have the stretchmarks to prove it." Stevie pulled out her phone, "Collin sent me this this morning. Patrick has learned how to say Nan and Pop." The little boy, blond like his mother waved in to the camera before saying hi Nan hi pop!

Elizabeth's heart melted, "Oh. He's so perfect." She wiped away tears. "We have to show your father." Her discomfort in regards to being around Henry temporarily forgotten in the realization that they were truly grandparents. She moved towards the study. "Henry?"

Henry stood up from his desk, "Yea?" Elizabeth's smile surprising him.

Elizabeth pulled Stevie in to the room, "Look at our grandson!"

Stevie showed henry the video and the three of them watched it multiple times before saying anything. Stevie grinned, "He is very smart. We are interviewing for preschools right now and I think he is going to have lots of options."

Elizabeth smiled, "Already looking at preschools? He must be advanced!"

Stevie nodded, "Well I think he is but we are not fast tracking him or anything. We had him on waiting lists at schools before he was even born. It is extremely competitive in New York. But multiple schools have said Patrick could start early if we wanted him to. I just don't want to push him. He loves counting. Takes after you in that way mom."

Elizabeth grinned, "Well who doesn't love counting?"

The trio chuckled, Henry looked at the child's face and saw so much of his daughter, "Blond hair blue eyes I don't think any school could turn him down on looks alone. Throw in the whole counting thing and they will be throwing admission at him."

Stevie smiled, "Lets hope they throw us a scholarship. School in New York is really really expensive."

"I suppose you guys will just have to move here. Be closer to us." Elizabeth teased. "Speaking of which when do we get to meet this brilliant grandson of ours?"

Henry nodded, "Not to mention the husband. I still haven't interrogated him."

Stevie rolled her eyes, "Dad." She looked at her parents who at least on this one issue seemed united. "How about I bring them both down for the weekend next month. So long as you two promise not to kill the father of my child."

Elizabeth and Henry exchanged glances and shrugged, "I think we can agree to just mutilating him slightly if need be." Henry teased his daughter.

"Ok. So while I am a bit nervous to leave the two of you here to plot my husband's mutilation I really do have to go. I've got a long drive." The trio walked to the front door and Stevie opened the door.

"Drive safe." Henry said hugging his daughter.

"Call us when you get there." Elizabeth wrapped her eldest in a hug. "We love you so so much."

Henry nodded. "We are so proud of you too."

Stevie smiled, "Love you guys!" She jogged out to her car, and slid in. Looking back at her parents one last time before driving away. Leaving her parents alone.

~Madam Secretary~

The next few days where awkward and quiet. With Henry and Elizabeth spending much of their days apart. They would eat meals together and sleep in the same room but with a literal pillow wall between them. The day for therapy finally came and at this point Elizabeth welcomed any excuse to leave the house.

She found it freeing to drive the old pickup truck despite the fact that it sounded like it might break down at any moment.

It took nearly 30 minutes just to get her therapist up to speed on what had been going on. Secretary of State, Prison, Presidential Pardon. God her life was a mess.

Dr. Andrews was a woman in her 60's with short curly brown hair brown eyes and large glasses. She dressed as if she was from another century but the variety of the degrees on the wall from Ivy League Schools comforted Elizabeth. "Can you tell me about prison?"

Elizabeth shrugged, "It's defiantly not Orange is the New Black."

Dr. Andrews looked at her patent, "You are deflecting."

Elizabeth had been deflecting for a while now and they both knew it. "It was horrible."

"Care to elaborate?"

"I saw my kids once a year from the other side of a glass wall. I NEVER got to speak to my husband. Not for 7 years. It was loud all the time and I was never alone but somehow I felt more alone than ever." She paused, "I-I I think prison ruined my relationship with Henry." She spit out the words quickly.

"Why do you think that?"

Elizabeth fiddled with her blouse. "I've changed. And I don't think he has. Not like me."

"You both endured the same thing. Do you think it's possible that he's changed too?"

Elizabeth hesitated, "I mean I do think he has changed. I just don't think he's changed like I have."

The therapist made a note, "I'm not sure if I understand."

"We've talked a little bit and we both understand that there's a lot of guilt that we both feel. But in the end this is 100% my fault. I was the Secretary of State I made the choice to share state secrets with him. Hell I made the choice to take the dam job in the first place. This was all my fault and I deserved everything that happened to me." Elizabeth choked back a sob.

"What did you deserve? Can you elaborate?"

"I don't sleep. I have nightmares."

Dr. Andrews looked at her, "Nightmares about what?"

"Everything." Elizabeth whispered. Prison, the trial, being ripped away from my family, being in such a dark place that I tried to kill myself. The guilt. Just everything."

Dr. Andrews knew then that she was close, "Can you tell me why you tried to kill yourself?"

Elizabeth didn't want to say it. But at the same time she felt as though it was going to explode out of her mouth because it needed to be said. "In prison, there was a guard. He took advantage of me. It started as just firm grip or course language. But it progressed, and one day about three years in he pulled me in to a storage closet that was supposed to be locked. After that it happened all the time. For years. I just wanted it to stop. But I didn't want to tell anyone because I felt so ashamed. And then one of the girls in the unit I was in tried to commit suicide. She switched units. Spent some time in a mental health unit. I wanted that. So I started to plot my own botched attempt." She looked up at her therapist who was unmoved. "It worked. But I don't know. Sometimes I wish I had just done it the right way and escaped this pain for good."

Dr. Andrews nodded, "Do you think your rape has changed you in a way that Henry can't understand?"

Elizabeth felt herself want to vomit at the mention of the R word. She stood up desperately seeking a trashcan. But it was too late and the vomit came spewing out.

Dr. Andrews stood up, "Elizabeth, are you alright? Would you like to stop?"

"I don't like that word. Please. Please don't." Elizabeth felt the room spin and then everything went black.

 _Ok so when I was writing this originally I thought oh this will easily be considered T but now that I've read the FF guidelines I am on the boarder on if its T or M. Please let me know if you think I need to change this story to M. I will never be more graphic than what I have done today. I know I am borderline so please advise? And let me know what you think about the content!_


	8. Chapter 8

_Sorry for the delay and that this is so short._ I've _been dealing with some serious snow storms. Thanks for all your continued support!_

Dr. Sarah Andrews was known to be excellent at reading her patents. She never pushed them too hard, she always stopped when the patent showed too much distress. But Elizabeth McCord -a trained spy- had been good at hiding her reactions and emotions. Through most of their discussion McCord had been calm but a bit short with her responses. Sarah hadn't noticed her patent's distress until it bubbled over. One moment her patent was fine and the next moment she was calling 911. And now as she drove to the hospital to evaluate her patent, she made a mental note to investigate Elizabeth McCord's medical background a bit deeper, she needed to call the prison councilor, former doctors, and therapists, anyone who could offer insight on this extremely complex woman.

~Madam Secretary~

Henry McCord wasn't used to having a cell phone or any phone freely accessible to him. When his phone rang that morning it nearly scared him half to death. It hadn't left his desk since he got it. He suddenly felt flustered, who was calling, what should he say? Finally he picked it up, "Hello?" He asked tentatively.

 _"Hello I am looking for Henry McCord."_

"Sp- Speaking."

 _"This is Layla Jones at St. Mary's Hospital. Your wife was brought here after passing out during her therapist appointment. We need to know if she has any allergies?"_

Henry stood up abruptly, "Is she alright?" He racked is brain thinking of her medical history.

 _"She's not awake and she's having some tests run. Her therapist feels it was some form of panic attack."_

Henry started to look for his keys and wallet. "She's allergic to Penicillin." He finally said. "She um, she's had panic attacks before. And and she tried to commit suicide once. I- I'm on my way. St. Mary's right?"

 _"Yes."_

Henry hung up. He felt like he was drowning. The world outside prison wasn't as great as he remembered it.

~Madam Secretary~

Elizabeth felt like she had been hit by a truck even days later. She'd spent two days in the hospital, something she had felt was absolutely ridiculous. After that she'd gone home and spent the last three days hiding from Henry's questions. He wanted to know what happened and why.

They sat quietly at a restaurant after her therapy appointment which Henry had insisted on driving her to. She felt broken inside and she hadn't even talked that much to Dr. Andrews. They had sat in silence much as she and Henry did now. She looked around "I am going for a walk to clear my head. I'll be back." She stood up and left before Henry could say anything.

She didn't look back but if she had she would have seen her husband looking as if he had been kicked. He didn't know what to do. How to fix the rift that had formed between them? She was unconformable around him it was clear and he had no idea how to fix it. He rubbed his forehead with his hand willing himself to think about anything else.

Elizabeth meandered through town not really looking at anything. She heard the barking of dogs and turned toward the sound crossing the street. The humane society had been rebuilt right downtown and Elizabeth was drawn into the building before she could even think twice.

The young woman at the front desk smiled, "Hi I'm Jenna. Are you looking for a dog or cat today?"

Elizabeth looked at her in surprise. "Oh um I'm just looking. But not much of a cat person."

Jenna smiled, "Come see our dogs."

They walked down the isle of kennels, and Elizabeth wanted to cry, run, anything. This seemed like prison. A Border Collie much like her old dog from before she was secretary of state was curled up in the corner in a ball. Elizabeth stopped. "What's her story?" she whispered.

Jenna frowned, "She been here for almost a year. She's aggressive. Pretty much unadoptable according to most people."

Elizabeth noticed a red tag on her kennel. "What's this?" She fingered the tag knowing in her head what it was.

"Once animals have been here a year we have to consider alternative options. She will be euthanized on Saturday." Jenna said sadly.

Elizabeth teared up, "We can't have that." She whispered bending down to the floor. The dog looked at her. "Hi." She sat down cross-legged on the floor. She looked up at Jenna. "Can I have some time alone with her?"

Jenna nodded. "I'll be in the corner. Be careful with her. She bit me last week."

30 minutes later Elizabeth was inside the outdoor dog yard with the black and white dog they had become friends and Elizabeth had taken her outside to play ball. But now the two sat together with the dog in Elizabeth's lap. She could hear Jenna talking to a man but was surprised to hear Henry's voice as they came closer.

She looked up, "Henry?"

"Hey Sorry, I got worried. Used find my iPhone to find you."

Elizabeth grinned, "It's alright. Meet Hope. Come, sit on the ground in the corner and I'll come sit with you. She's shy but once she knows you are ok she will love you."

Henry's heart leaped at her smile. He hadn't seen something so genuine since they had been reunited.

Only 10 minutes later Henry and Elizabeth had Hope. Both for their future and with their new dog.

 _Thanks for reading! Please review!_


	9. Chapter 9

_Hello_ friends _, here's the next_ installment _! Thanks for all the support._

Hope was a 5-year-old Border Collie who up until the moment she had met Elizabeth McCord had lived a hard life. Her original name had been Polly and her owner had been a large mean man. She had been thrown into walls, kicked, screamed at and on a few occasions burned with a lighter. She had learned to be distrustful of people and up until she met Elizabeth she hated humans. But Elizabeth was different. Elizabeth was like her. Even the man Henry was OK. They had stayed on her level until she was conferrable with them they played ball with her. And then they took her home in the car. She was scared and they could tell, but Elizabeth stroked her head and whispered to her. They stopped at a pet store where Henry went in and bought supplies, toys, dog food, a dog bed, bowls, anything Hope could possibly need. And when they got home Hope could feel that this would be different.

~Madam Secretary~

The literal wall had come down and Henry hoped the metaphorical one would not be far behind. Getting Hope had required Elizabeth to remove the pillow wall between them when they slept to make room for Hope. Henry loved hope more than he thought he would. He had never had a problem with dogs, he liked them very much. But he wouldn't have expected a dog to help Elizabeth like this.

They had dogs in the past but having lived on a farm Elizabeth had never believed they needed to be inside when their job was to be in the barn with the animals. But Hope had been welcomed in to the house and had been amazing for Elizabeth. She had brought joy into the house and had woken Elizabeth up from her nightmares with kisses.

Within a week it seemed as if Hope had always been apart of their life. Elizabeth was sleeping better and Henry felt as if the two of them where making progress. They had started therapy together in addition to their separate sessions and Elizabeth was now ok using the R word with Dr. Andrews. She knew the next step was telling Henry but she still felt apprehensive about that.

Dr. Andrews had encouraged them to "Date" and so Elizabeth and Henry had just returned from their second "Date" of burgers and bowling. Hope greeted them at the door and Elizabeth smiled, "Did you miss us?"

The dog raced around them, thrilled to have her owners home and Henry laughed, "I think that's a yes."

Elizabeth spun around feeling so much joy in this moment. "Can we play scrabble?"

Henry's heart lept at her face which was filled with so much happiness in the moment. "Only if you are ok with losing."

Elizabeth laughed and the sound was music to his ears. "Oh in your dreams. You will lose."

Twenty minutes later they were settled in the living room with Hope on Elizabeth's lap and multiple triple word scores in her favor. "Stevie and her family are coming down next weekend." Elizabeth reminded him as she went for another double word score.

Henry nodded. "We need to start planning our Holidays too."

Elizabeth nodded, "We've got the space here, lets host Thanksgiving with your family and Will. Stevie said she is going to Collin's parents in Upstate New York and Jase said he has to stay home, something to do with his cows. I'm not sure what Allie's plans are. But the kids said they usually go to Jason's for Christmas. Do you want to do a road trip?"

Henry smiled, "And see Jason with his cows? Absolutely. But wouldn't you rather fly?"

Elizabeth shook her head, "The idea of being cooped up in the airplane with no control at all makes me nervous."

Henry nodded, "I get that, we can drive. We can take a week, stop and sight see. It will be fun!" He looked at her, curled up on the couch with her dog in her lap, her blond hair cascaded down her shoulders and her blue eyes glittering. "You've got another triple word score don't you." He watched as she laughed and boldly placed the word that put her solidly in the lead with no hope for him to ever catch up.

When the game ended Henry and Elizabeth started to clean up. Putting away the game and stowing the leftovers away for lunch tomorrow. Henry reached over Elizabeth to put the coffee maker on auto just as she turned around to face him. They were close and without thinking she reached up to touch his cheek. She wanted to say something but he kissed her. And for a moment she kissed him back, but then she felt panic, being trapped against the counter. She was frozen in place, Henry stopped looking at her. "Elizabeth?"

Elizabeth gasped for air, and let out a loud sob. Hope came trotting over nuzzling her owner. Elizabeth sank to the floor and Hope started to lick her. Elizabeth worked to control her breaths. When she opened her eyes she saw Henry sitting across from her on the floor far enough away to ensure she wasn't threatened.

Henry looked at her, "Can you tell me?"

Elizabeth shook her head. "I'm scared." She whispered.

Henry nodded, "Me to. But I'll be here no matter what. Please. Please talk to me."

She shuttered, "I was raped"

Henry wasn't prepared for that and he felt like he had been kicked in the gut. "What?" he managed to whisper.

Elizabeth wiped away tears, "I was raped." She said it loud this time and Hope jumped, disliking the loud tone. "It was a prison guard, it happened for years. I never fought it. I just let it happen. And every time it did I died inside."

Henry stared at her trying to process. And then the words hit him and all of his thoughts that things were getting better vanished.

 _Let me know what you think!_


	10. Chapter 10

Henry looked at her stunned.

There was silence for what felt like forever before he spoke. "I don't know what to say."

Elizabeth nodded, "There is nothing you can say."

Henry looked at her and stuttered as he tried to form words, "Elizabeth, I- I knew something had happened, I just wasn't sure what. But I never imagined something like this." He looked at her tear stained face and his eyes fell to the jagged scar on her arm. "Is that why you-"

Her eyes dropped to her arm, "Yes, but I wasn't trying to die. I just wanted to get transferred to a unit for suicidal people. To get away from him."

"Elizabeth you almost died, you shouldn't have had to do that. You almost died and I didn't even know why."

Elizabeth's blue eyes where covered in tears. "I didn't know what else to do. I lost myself in there."

They both nodded and sat in silence for a few minutes.

Elizabeth looked at him finally, "I want to work on our relationship. Because I am so lonely here without you, we've always been on the same page, but ever since we got out of prison things have been so quiet. I feel so lonely. I know we are supposed to be dating or whatever Dr. Andrews said but now that you know what happened for real I am worried you won't want to. But Henry I need you. You and the kids are the only reason I didn't end it for real." She let out a sob that startled Hope. "Please don't leave me."

Henry looked startled, "Elizabeth I would never!" He moved closer to her, "Can I hold your hand?"

She held out her hand, "Yes."

Henry held it, "I adore you. I would do anything to protect you. And I know I haven't said it since we got back but I love you. I have and always will love you. I could never leave you. But I do agree that we need to work on our relationship. We can take things slow. I won't touch you without permission but I do want to touch you and talk to you. So let's date. Let's really date. Let's go get ice-cream right now. I promise to have you home by curfew."

Elizabeth smiled and reached out to kiss his cheek. "Can Hope come?"

Henry smiled, "Of course!" He stood up and offered his hand to her to help her stand.

~Madam Secretary~

Two weeks had passed and Henry and Elizabeth had grown closer Elizabeth was no longer warry about his proximity to her. They had dated nearly every night if scrabble counted. But Elizabeth was clearly board. She had read every book in their library and had taken to the cook books in the kitchen. Henry's solution was simple. And they were being delivered while he and Elizabeth where at therapy. As they pulled down the driveway after a quick lunch in town Henry was trying to hide his glee.

"What did you do?" Elizabeth asked looking at him.

"Nothing. Well not nothing its defiantly something."

Elizabeth giggled, "What did you do? Are the kids here or something?"

His eyes glittered with excitement, "No. We do have house guests though."

"Who? Will?"

"Want to go see?" Henry asked as he stopped the car.

She rolled her eyes, "Is that even a question?" She started towards the house.

"Real quick let's take a walk. Give our guests a chance to settle in."

Elizabeth raised her eyebrows. "OK. You are acting weird. You planning to botch another marriage proposal or something?"

Henry laughed as they neared the barn, "No no sorry to disappoint." He opened the barn door. "So your house guests are actually in here." As if on cue a black mare stuck her head over the stall door.

Elizabeth looked at him in surprise, "Seriously?"

Henry nodded, "This one here is Buttercup's niece." He thought about how confusing horse lineage was, "Kinda" he added. "And the bay one over here, well I just liked her and the seller said he was, bomb proof, which apparently is a good thing for awful riders like me."

Elizabeth deserted his side to great the horses. "Are they ours?"

Henry smiled, "Yes! I could see how board you are and to be honest once I fix the washer I am going to need something to do to so I thought we could enjoy these wonderful animals and perhaps you can finally teach me to be a good rider."

Elizabeth laughed, "We can try. But I don't think that's possible." She turned back to the horse, "Hi. How are you."

Henry's heart felt warm as she turned around to look at him with a smile that light up the dingy old barn.

And then she surprised Henry by rushing towards him and wrapping him in a hug. "I love you." She whispered.

Henry hadn't realized how much he had been missing those words. But when he heard them he suddenly felt broken and started to cry. Mabey things would be alright now.

 _Getting close to the end! ust a few more chapters to go! Thanks for the revews!_


	11. Chapter 11

_This is late and short. But I wanted to get to the next part of the story and I needed a transitional chapter. For this_ story _, Henry's dad didn't die since basicly Season 2 never happened._

The horses changed things. They gave Henry and Elizabeth something that had to to be done together. Stalls cleaned and horses fed and watered every day. They would spend the time after lunch riding and return home laughing despite the cold November days. Henry was thrilled at the life that the horses had brought back to Elizabeth. In the past month they had gone from basically strangers to friends again. They held hands and had other types of contact but much of their progress had been emotional. They had really truly opened up to one another.

The pair were getting ready to go out riding when the phone rang. Henry groaned inwardly as he looked at the caller ID. His sister Maureen. He had only spoken to his family members a few time since leaving prison and the judgment had just been dripping on every word his sister had said. "I'll just let it go to voicemail."

Elizabeth laughed, "That's my preferred method of conversation with your sister too."

Henry frowned as the phone started ringing again. "Somethings wrong. She's calling again." He kicked off his boots and walked into the study to answer the phone.

Elizabeth frowned and removed her shoes and coat moving to the kitchen to pour herself a cup of coffee. She heard a strange sound come from the study and Hope scrambled from her bed to check on Henry. Elizabeth's heart dropped as she swore she heard a sob. "Henry?" She called rushing to see if he was all right.

Her blue eyes met his teary ones and he let out a sob. "My dad died."

Elizabeth rushed forward and without even thinking she wrapped him in a hug. His pain was more important than her comfort. "Oh Henry. I'm so sorry." She guided him to the small love seat in the corner. Her heart broke for him.

He sat down and pulled her to sit down next to him, somewhat in her lap. "I hadn't even got to see him yet. We where supposed to see him at Thanksgiving. I didn't get to say goodbye." He put his head on her shoulder, "My dad is gone."

Elizabeth's heart broke for him, she knew what it was like it to lose a father. And unfortunately he hadn't had a good relationship with his father. Not to mention the fact that he had not seen him due to their incarceration. She stroked her husband's head as he cried and she herself felt tears falling. She was being touched, held, by him. But in this moment she didn't feel uncomfortable. She was sad. Hurt for him, for her family. But she was glad she could comfort him.

Hours later Elizabeth was mending one of her old black dresses to fit her slender frame and packing to leave the next morning. In true Elizabeth fashion, she had a todo list on the table and she was checking things off. The kids had been called. Hope who they had determined was coming with them had a bag and kennel packed in the jeep. A farmer had been called to care for the horses. She had even located Henry's favorite tie from the back of the closet and packed it.

Henry had been quiet since his breakdown. And when they finaly went to bed that night he cried for two hours. And she held him thankful that she could comfort him in this one simple way. She had been robed of so much and he had too. But in this moment comforting him meant the world to me.

 _Let me know what you think! I swear I will be better about updating!_


	12. Chapter 12

_Thanks for the wonderful comments. I hope this meets expectations. I changed Patrick's death a bit so he just dies naturally. It was just too complex to write it into this story which already has a lot going on. I hope Elliana isn't_ to _forward, I wanted someone to really_ conrast _who Elizabeth is now with who she used to be. I hope she makes sense as a character._

 _Thanks! Please enjoy and review._

The horses changed things. They gave Henry and Elizabeth something that had to to be done together. Stalls cleaned and horses fed and watered every day. They would spend the time after lunch riding and return home laughing despite the cold November days. Henry was thrilled at the life that the horses had brought back to Elizabeth. In the past month they had gone from basically strangers to friends again. They held hands and had other types of contact but much of their progress had been emotional. They had really truly opened up to one another.

The pair were getting ready to go out riding when the phone rang. Henry groaned inwardly as he looked at the caller ID. His sister Maureen. He had only spoken to his family members a few time since leaving prison and the judgment had just been dripping on every word his sister had said. "I'll just let it go to voicemail."

Elizabeth laughed, "That's my preferred method of conversation with your sister too."

Henry frowned as the phone started ringing again. "Somethings wrong. She's calling again." He kicked off his boots and walked into the study to answer the phone.

Elizabeth frowned and removed her shoes and coat moving to the kitchen to pour herself a cup of coffee. She heard a strange sound come from the study and Hope scrambled from her bed to check on Henry. Elizabeth's heart dropped as she swore she heard a sob. "Henry?" She called rushing to see if he was all right.

Her blue eyes met his teary ones and he let out a sob. "My dad died."

Elizabeth rushed forward and without even thinking she wrapped him in a hug. His pain was more important than her comfort. "Oh Henry. I'm so sorry." She guided him to the small love seat in the corner. Her heart broke for him.

He sat down and pulled her to sit down next to him, somewhat in her lap. "I hadn't even got to see him yet. We where supposed to see him at Thanksgiving. I didn't get to say goodbye." He put his head on her shoulder, "My dad is gone."

Elizabeth's heart broke for him, she knew what it was like it to lose a father. And unfortunately he hadn't had a good relationship with his father. Not to mention the fact that he had not seen him due to their incarceration. She stroked her husband's head as he cried and she herself felt tears falling. She was being touched, held, by him. But in this moment she didn't feel uncomfortable. She was sad. Hurt for him, for her family. But she was glad she could comfort him.

Hours later Elizabeth was mending one of her old black dresses to fit her slender frame and packing to leave the next morning. In true Elizabeth fashion she had a todo list on the table and she was checking things off. The kids had been called. Hope who they had determined was coming with them had a bag and kennel packed in the jeep. A farmer had been called to care for the horses. She had even located Henry's favorite tie from the back of the closet and packed it.

Henry had been quiet since his breakdown. And when they finaly went to bed that night he cried for two hours. And she held him thankful that she could comfort him in this one simple way. She had been robed of so much and he had too. But in this moment comforting him meant the world to me.

The drive to Henry's Childhood home started early the next morning and was almost completely silent. They were two hours' hour when Elizabeth broke the silence. "Stevie is only a few hours behind us. They started last night but stopped halfway because Patrick was getting antsy. Allie's flight lands this afternoon and Jason and Elliana's an hour after. Allie is going to wait for them so they can split a car." She looked up from her phone over to Henry whose facial expression didn't change and eyes never left the road.

She wasn't even sure that he heard her until he spoke. "It'll be nice to see Patrick. He's only just learning to call me Pop." Henry murmured referring to the grandson he bet only a few ago.

"And it will be nice to meet Elliana." Elizabeth added.

The pair didn't say another word until they pulled up to the house.

Maureen was waiting for them. Elizabeth was surprised at how she looked as if nothing changed. Elizabeth stepped out of the car and let the cool air hit her. "Maureen." She whispered hugging her sister-in-law.

"Elizabeth you look- different." Maureen said.

"Thanks." Elizabeth frowned as she watched henry quietly reunited with his sister.

"You are too skinny." Maureen fussed as she hugged her brother.

"I'm just gonna get the dog out." Henry murmured.

"The dog?" Maureen looked shocked.

"We couldn't just leave her. The guy who's watching the horse doesn't like dogs."

"Horses? Wow." Maureen looked shocked. "Well it didn't take you long to get back to your high living ways."

"Maureen." Henry looked sternly at his sister.

Maureen rolled her eyes, "You know dad doesn't let dogs in the house."

"Dad isn't here Maureen." He muttered taking Hope's leash and walking into the house.

Elizabeth put her hand on Maureen's shoulder. "He's having a bit of hard time."

"Clearly." Maureen muttered dryly walking away leaving Elizabeth to deal with the bags.

~~~Madam Secretary~~~

Patrick had died of a heart attack before Henry could make amends. He felt guilty. Elizabeth knew that without even asking. But the way Henry was dealing with it was not ideal. He was quiet almost cold. And he was snapping at everyone from his wife to his sisters. The tension in the home was nearly unbearable and it had only been a few hours. There was a lot of shame on the family according to Maureen, in regards to their very public incarceration.

The kids arrived with a whirlwind of activity, arranging rooms and beds to fit everyone's needs. Elizabeth met her new daughter in-law and was instantly in love.

Elliana was a slender woman of 5'4" and her dark skin and dark hair complemented her face and her smile was bright. She had an accent that was vaguely Hispanic but as Elizabeth soon discovered Elliana was only half Hispanic and half American Indian. Her short stature was muscular and skinny despite a small pultruding baby bump. Elizabeth took an instant liking to her and Elliana clearly knew some of what had happened to Elizabeth because she was very respectful of Elizabeth's space.

Elizabeth loved her new daughter-in-law. And Stevie's husband was great too. The current in-law problem was her sister-in-law Maureen. She was creating hell for both Henry and Elizabeth but she was particular cold to Elizabeth.

Elizabeth's thoughts where interrupted by more activity at the door as the rest of the "Troops" arrived for dinner. Shane arrived with his daughter, having picked her up from the airport and Maureen's kids, who all had kids of their own arrived flushed from the school and work days they had endured. She slid another casserole dish in to oven to heat and left to greet the rest of her in-laws who were hopefully warmer than Maureen.

She hadn't thought about the physical contact issues that would come with this. No one had seen her in years, everyone was hugging Henry. And as they moved towards her she froze. She knew Shane, she loved him, he was a wonderful brother to Henry. But as he moved towards her she didn't see Shane she saw a threat. She wanted to cry. Scream. But she was frozen."

Elliana saw her mother in-law's panic and rushed forward, stepping in-front of Shane. "Elizabeth? Can I borrow you for a second?" She didn't wait for a response but guided her away and pulled her into the den slamming the doors shut behind her. "Can you sit down for me?"

Elizabeth looked at Elliana. "I don't know what to do."

Elliana nodded, "It will be ok. Just wait till dinner starts to rejoin everyone. You need to acknowledge what you are feeling and accept that it's ok to feel this way."

Elizabeth took a deep breath. Yes. She truly loved her daughter in-law.

Forty-five minutes later Elliana emerged from the den grateful to have gotten to chat with her mother in-law but enraged that the man Jason had said so many great things hadn't showed any concern for his wife. She went in search of Henry McCord hoping to tell him that his wife needed her.

Elliana McCord was a very direct woman. She had grown up in a world of men. Her mother died when she was young, and she was raised by her father and uncle. She spoke fluent Spanish in her home and sometimes spoke it better than she spoke English. She had heard countless stories about her in-laws wonderful marriage. But currently she wasn't seeing it. The circumstances where bad. But circumstances be damned. "Mr. McCord?" She called firmly opening up the door to the garage. She had searched the whole house. He had to be there. There was no place left for him to go.

"Yea?"

"We haven't met yet because you haven't made an effort to leave this garage since I got here three hours ago. I am Elliana McCord. Jason's wife." Her tone was firm and perhaps a bit angry and annoyed.

"It's actualy Dr. McCord. But you can call me Henry." Henry was surprised by the words that came out of his mouth. They sounded hostile. The beer he had been drinking defianetly was to blame for that he reasoned.

Elliana's eyes sparkled with announce. "The title Dr. is one of respect, one which you currently don't deserve Mr. McCord." She paused, "I've heard all these wonderful stories about you and Elizabeth. How Jason wanted a marriage like yours. But if this is it I don't want it. Your wife is facing a horde of people who want to greet her and she is so uncomfterable with the idea of physical contact with them that she can't move. I practically had to drag her out of the room, she wasn't responding or moving." She took a breath. "You know what she is going through. And I understand it. I don't know the details; I don't know the absolute best way to help her. You do."

Henry was stunned. HE tried to speak but couldn't.

"You need to get your shit together," She continued. "I know your dad died. I get that. Mine died a few years ago. But you can't stop functioning to morn him. You have to keep your family together. Your wife is so close to shattering. You can morn your father, but you need to do it with your wife, with your family."

She stepped forward, "I want to like you. But right now I am not a huge fan. Get inside and go help your wife." She reached out to take his beer. Tossing it in the trash she turned to him one last time. "It was nice to meet you. I hope you don't think I am crazy. I swear I am a normal person. I love your son and your family and your wife." She smiled slightly. "It was nice to meet you."

Henry stood there quietly. Stunned. Jason's new wife, reminded him of a young Elizabeth in a way. He smiled slightly before going to find his wife.

~~Madam Secretary~~

The day before the funeral Maureen blew up. A few little things snowballed into a confrontation between her and Henry. She accused him of changing of becoming someone she didn't recognize. How disappointed their father was in him. The shame he had brought with his prison sentence. And then the blame came back on Elizabeth. Because according to Maureen, Elizabeth was the rich wife with the fancy degrees. In the end it was all her fault.

Elizabeth had been quiet through the whole fight. But she hated to see her husband personally attacked for his convictions. She had always let them fight and argue, just wanting to be apart of it. But she also didn't want to be the reason Henry never spoke to his sister again. "Maureen." She stood up and said her name again. Louder.

Maureen looked surprised.

Elizabeth cut her off before she could say anything. "Seriously? You honestly can't blame this on me or Henry for that matter we had/ have a duty to this county. I've spent years with this family and I know for a fact that you all where raised on the strongest of convictions. Your father stood up for injustice for years within the union. It's extremely hypocritical for you to accuse Henry of changing. He only expanded and grew his convictions to become this wonderful man. But every part of who he is traces back to this family. And I don't think that's a bad thing. I don't know many people who would go to prison on principal. He could have plead the fifth but he didn't because your parents. Your dad raised him better. You should be proud. I know I am." Elizabeth looked at Henry and smiled bit. She forgot what it felt like to love someone this fiercely.


	13. Chapter 13

After Maureen stormed out Elizabeth went upstairs. Henry waited only a few minutes before following is wife upstairs. "Lizabeth, you ok?"

She looked at him teary eyed, "I just couldn't stand her attacking you."

Henry nodded, "I didn't mind. In that moment you seemed like my wife."

Elizabeth's eyes narrowed, "I am your wife."

Henry nodded, "I know. But tonight you where the fiery Elizabeth Adams that I fell in love with."

Elizabeth smiled. "It felt better than I expected. For the first time in a long time I don't feel like a victim. Standing up for myself. I don't know why I didn't do it sooner. I feel human." She stood up to meet Henry's gaze.

Henry's heart leapt as her smile lit up the room. "God Elizabeth, I know this has been hard for you. Not just the prison stuff. But this, my dad's death, my sister attacking you, my huge crazy family. But mostly how I treated you. I let you down. And I just want you to know that I am sorry. And I love you."

Elizabeth moved to hug him. She had liked hugging him the past few days. It made her feel safe and it made her feel like she could comfort him. She appreciated hugs as a way to relay comfort when words were not enough. She pulled back slightly to look in her husband and suddenly felt the need to kiss him.

The kiss was tender and sweet.

Afterwards Elizabeth hugged him and started to cry. "I love you." She whispered. She had missed all these feelings she suppressed. The love, the feeling of safety.

They could sense that this was a turning point in their relationship. And so the celebrated like true McCord's, with a game of Scrabble.

~~Madam Secretary~~

Their relationship improved significantly as the weeks wore on. Elizabeth felt more normal every day. But she felt so much guilt over her confrontation with Maureen. She had needed to standup for herself, but in the process she felt as though she shut down a woman with her own strong convictions.

She started writing. It was a letter to Maureen at first. But after that it was a letter to Shane, and then Erin and Will. Then everyone else.

Every moment of her life found its way to paper after that. Reflecting on everything changed her perspective. It gave her closure. She felt stronger. She felt like Elizabeth McCord, a woman with strong convictions.

Even as her emotional perspective changed her relationship with Henry had as well. But only to a point. It was slower to develop and they had their setbacks. But on a celebratory one year out of prison trip they finally consummated their marriage for the first time in years. It wasn't wonderful. But it wasn't terrible and it progressed from there. Heeling was difficult. But the book helped, reflecting on her life, her time as Secretary of State and why convictions where so important.

Writing Elizabeth's book was a personal private process for her but it came very easily. It was its own form of therapy. She reflected on her relationships with the people in her life like never before. She rebuilt her relationship with Maureen and dedicated an entire chapter to her in-laws and how much they impacted her idea of family. The book had been well received and she had done some guest speaking across the country since its release.

Elizabeth had gotten a lot of questions about her marriage and after sitting down to talk with Henry they started tossing around book ideas.

The book _The Strongest of Convictions_ was born of their collective thoughts on how their convictions developed to the point of being willing to go to prison and the trust that was built between the two. They had everything but the ending. But Henry had a secret plan for that.

"Scrabble is set up how's the popcorn?" Henry called out finishing out the touches on his scrabble board.

"5 more minutes." She called from the other room.

Henry couldn't wait anymore. "Come here and wait with me? Otherwise I am gonna be tempted to pick my tiles without you."

Elizabeth laughed, "You think that will give you an edge? It hasn't helped the last 7 times we played."

He laughed, "I defiantly have the advantage this time."

Elizabeth walked in the room and saw that there where letters on the board. "Henry did you start without me?" Her voice crackled at the end when she saw the tiles on the board.

"Mar Me Elibet"

Henry dropped to one knee. "Elizabeth, this is the way I should have proposed the first time around. The skywriter was a bad and desperate idea but I am so glad it worked. I want to renew our vows. Do it the way we always wanted. We went through hell and came out the other side stronger. So Elizabeth Adams McCord, will you marry me again?" He held out her ring the same one that no longer fit since her prison.

She smiled she loved her engagement ring. It was Henry's great-grandmother's. "Well same ring…"

Henry laughed, as she leaned in for a kiss. "yes?"

Elizabeth smiled. "yes!"

~~~Madam Secretary~~~  
A few months later on their wedding anniversary they renewed their vows in a quiet ceremony adding a third band to her engagement and wedding band. The wedding was everything she had imagined and that night they revealed their book to their closest friends and family.

The journey had nearly broken them. But they had come out of the other side with the Strongest of Convictions. Elizabeth didn't regret the time she had spent in prison. It had strengthened her family and her husband in unexpected ways. But it also changed the way the American Public viewed positions of power. It was more human. She had changed security measures.

She had done what she set out to do. She made a difference. And she and Henry would continue to do that as authors, teachers, and speakers. She always said that together she and Henry would change the world.

It may have been unconventional. But they did change the world.

I think this is it for this story. I had to rush to the end because of some personal stuff. But I have a story about Jason and his wife Elliana that I have been toying with. I might do a little how they met one shot or something about E&H in college.

Thanks for all the support! You guys rock! Let me know what you think!


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